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Haxorze and the descent into madness


Haxorze

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Hello, my name is Haxorze!

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Some people might call me "RNG Incarnate", but I much prefer "Dr. dry streak".

After my recent accomplishment of 99 Archaeology (??), I decided that digging up random kitchen utensils in he desert wasn't maddening enough for me. So therefore I have also decided that I want my mind to spiral further into the tiresome and intense grinds this game has to offer. Haha, as if I haven't already spent to much time playing it. 
In the broad scale of things, I want to complete the game, fully. Why? Because I also get bored at times, and this is my way of coping with that.

Let's start this by asking myself some questions:

Will I ever finish this task?
Probably not...

What is my first goal?
120 Arch (also getting slayer pet, but that doesn't exist)

Am I sure I won't give up after a week? 
No, I am not.

Whats my stats?
user1-dark.png

 

Let's hope I don't get tired of this to fast, and I'll probably update this log as soon as I actually do something ingame 🙂

 

Future edits: Add more pretty colors and glitters!

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There is not much happening really..
I've been doing a lot of clue scrolls (at least 1). Wish I could now show you my sick dye collection, but I can't find it.

Other than that I'm still grinding out some Arch, sprinkled in with some BGH. And I started my useless item collection #1: bb34438cd6c6de99febf782b7f20b6c8.png

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On 4/12/2020 at 6:51 PM, Haxorze said:

There is not much happening really..
I've been doing a lot of clue scrolls (at least 1). Wish I could now show you my sick dye collection, but I can't find it.

Other than that I'm still grinding out some Arch, sprinkled in with some BGH. And I started my useless item collection #1: bb34438cd6c6de99febf782b7f20b6c8.png

 They are worth .001% each...... should get 100% worth

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Sadly my useless item collection #1 didnt last long. I had absolutely no problem with just 27 inventory spaces and the fact that I could not use presets. However the risk of losing them all when i did bossing as a break from arch wasn't really worth the effort it would take to get them all back.

I will find another item to collect i guess. If only jagex didn't ruin my gwd2 seal collecting...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Not much is happening really. Every thing I do seems to go so slowly, but I managed to dig my way to 111 arch, and also the bottom of my cashstack. Been trying to bully a lot of bosses to give me more money to feed my arch addiction, but sdaly they all seem to thing mining is a more suited skill for me. Needless to say, my bank is now filled with all sorts of stone spirits that will never ever see the light of day again, and my cashstack is as smol as ever.

Seeing that arch costs money, and free xp is, you know, free. I decided to do EVERY mystery the skill has to offer as soon as i could. So at 108 arch I brewed more tea than I'll ever need, and went around to the different digsites in search for random papers amongst weapons and ancient furniture. One tea addiction later, I now have a lot of new papers and probably also a lasting backpain. Oh, the things I do for free stuff.

I also decided that looking at a polygon dig around in the dirt for several hours a day wasn't really fun, at all. So I've made a taskman account (actually 2, but MacheteOnly is more of a failure than a taskman), Soilbox. Will update his life more as soon as something exciting happens there. But he is currently locked away in the slayer tower in search for some sweet new gloves.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My Archaeology grind is going well. Managed get level 118 while playing around in the dirt, and I'm on a steady road to 120! Or I would've been, if not for Double XP Live! (distant airhorns!)

I go into this DXP the same way I've gone into every DXP the last few years. With no plan what so ever, and prepared to do an overwhelming amount of XP wasting for no real reason. Might end up running around the jungle looking for dinosaurs to shoot with spears. Other than that I have been very, very smart, and made a promise I kind of regret making. If I get lucky enough to get the wonderful hunter pet, a pet that I really like before i hit 120 Hunter, I will have to destroy it. Fingers crossed that I won't get it, but also fingers crossed that I will get it, just because I would find it funny for the content 🙂

Will keep on updating here as soon as something new and exciting happens. So maybe once a week with my luck...

 

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You're so close to 120! Keep up the great content, xoxo Andy

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e9935c453e10e0b0cb6ca9639bdb0959.png

Anachronia day 468

I've traversed the dense and unforgiving jungles of this cursed island more times than i can remember. The larger inhabitants of the jungle I've noticed to be mainly calm. 
If I am keeping my distance, of course. I started observing them from afar, making note of their different behaviours and territories. These giants seem rarer in number than the brutish dinosaurs who 
prefer to herd in the dryer regions on the northern parts of the island. And also tougher to take down. I quickly learned of the durable abilities of the local flora, and how good they are for makng spears and ballistas. 
But a simple wooden spear isn't enough to take one of these magnificent creatures down, no matter how strong the wood is. Luckily, the frogs scattered around has a highly concentrated poison coating,
a cooting that can quickly take down even the largest of beasts. After several days of preparations, I was ready to start my hunt. And what a glorious hunt i was. I must have taken down hundreds of dinosaurs.
I guess you could say that I've become some sort of a master hunter in the time I've spent on the island.
Now, I set sail for the mainland once more, as I hear rumours about lost civilizations from the mysterious third age being found. I'm curious to see what treasures might have been lost in time.

 

-Haxorze

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  • 2 weeks later...

First I want to start by giving some insight to my last update here.
I was really banking on getting Ace before hitting 120 hunter. I had a whole bit planned out for the most emotional log post you would have ever seen, where I even planned on making a beautiful piece of art on video form. But alas, I was not that lucky. And when thinking about it, that might be for the best, as I have absolutely no experience in videomaking. But since I did not get the pet, I just had to plan out and write up something in like 10 minutes, and therefor you got my over the top journal entry from my long time spent on Anachronia. It's not as funny as I had hoped for, but I do hope it kept up with your high expectiasion. (Or is that just in my head?)

Since last time I've achieved 120 arch. It's over a week ago, but it's not me if I'm not late to update. I need to stay in character i guess. Right now I don't even know what to do going forward. So I have just been mining, a lot. Probably will keep slamming my pickaxe into the same rock until the dwarves agree to give me a new cape before I move on to something more fun. (HAHA, master quest cape when? (Soon™)).

Not much more to say really, so I'll just share a picture. As they say on IG: "Felt cute, might delete later"

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Yes thats the arch cape

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I have passed 93 Million experience in Mining, and my arms are getting a bit tired from swinging my pickaxe for hours upon hours every day. Unfortunately the dwarves refuse to give me a new cape yet, but i did try to steal one from them. Turns out they guard their fabric like it's worth a fortune, and 110 thieving is not high enough to take it. I will outsmart you one day, my short friends, one day. Or I could just keep on mining i guess, but that would make for a much less exciting story to tell.

Me being Haxorze, also known as "Not clevorze", have made a new promise. And probably will keep on doing until it pays off. My next victim of the destroy function will be Crabbe, the Harry Potter refrence pet, if I do recieve him before 150m slayer xp (Thanks Mori). Stay tuned for nothing to happen out from this promise, as my luck is nowhere to be seen.

Here is an action shot of me trying to get a brand new mining cape:

ART.png.947e0d061ca492b912fe89977a66e70c.png

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When you was telling me about you're artwork, I was at least expecting something similar to a Van Gogh 😂

Keep up the good work Hax, with the xp gaining and the story telling ❤️ Mori

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  • 2 weeks later...

As I decend further into madness, I also find new ways to entertain myself. With some good encouragement from a few friends and strangers, as well as a promise of at least 1 drop (brews and restores) from Nex, I set out to do the impossible. I was going to kill Nex, all by myself! Approximately zero death later, I got a few kills, and a whole 2 B/R drops, pluss some random pants that used to belong to some socalled legendary zarosian Green Arrow. Patric, I think his name was... I do so dearly wish i could post a bragging picture of my fully completed Nex log, but I seem to be missing a great number of the drops there. Going forward I hope to take my relationship with Nex further, and maybe we could even adopt a little mini-nihil. But that is something for the future I guess.

But fear not my lovely friends and others, I would never leave a post of mine lacking of a picture from my interesting experience in the scary world of Runescape. So I spent at least 10 minutes on paint again, and made you a lovely little story. It's not as good as I wish, but I honestly don't want to paint anymore today. 

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Love you all at least 1! Maybe it will be 3000 some day ❤️

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It’s time for me to continue my quest to snatch myself a dwarven cape with a pickaxe drawn onto it. Hmm… That reminds me:

On 5/22/2020 at 6:13 PM, Haxorze said:

(HAHA, master quest cape when? (Soon™)).

I’ve been putting this off for way to long now. But I have honestly just been really busy with… uhm… Ah, who am I kidding, I’m just really lazy. Those 4 last requirements are getting done now! But, I will of course just read the titles of the achievements, and base my entire strategy from that. So buckle up, this is going to be one wild ride!

Purple cat:

First on my list of odd things to do for some fabric is to get myself a purple cat, I think. Turns out the Grand Exchange does not sell them, and Gertrude called me a lunatic when asking her for one. Where have I seen one of those oddly colored fluffballs before? Thinking about that takes too much time, so I’ll just paint my neglected hellcat purple. Off to Draynor to visit my good friend, what’s her name. Aggie told me that to make purple dye, she needed some redberries and blue leaves. Of course! Red and blue makes purple, and purple makes my cat funny looking.

Turns out that witch didn’t even bother mixing my two dyes together… Luckily I know basic chemistry, and can pour two colors together to make another color! Yay, science! After mixing the liquids together in a shady alley I dragged my cat out from my backpack and poured the liquid onto it. Hmm... No achievement ding sound, and my cat looks more sick than slick. But in the corner of my eye I spot a random purple cat running along the road next to another witch. I quickly run over to her and ask how much she wants for the cat, but she tells me it’s not for sale. But she promise to teach me how if I steal some strange vial from her colleague in Port Sarim.

Heading over to Port Sarim, I swiftly sneak into a hidden basement just to get stopped by Lottie, the failed zoologist. She tells me that if I can sort out the mess she has made by placing the animals in random pens, I get the vial for free. I don’t think she knows what free means, but alas, this random scheme has taken to long, so I just do what she says. Rushing back to Draynor, I hand over the vial and DING! Achievement done. Weird, I was sure I had to paint my cat for it to work, but oh well. With a cat that hates me, I’m on to the next one!

Ivan is flailing!

This one makes no sense at all. I went to visit my old pal Ivan Storm, as he is the only Ivan I know. Now to make him flail! I order him to swing his arms around wildly if he doesn’t want to end up like his vampyre hunting buddy group, and with a confused look, he does so. After several uncomfortable minutes he asks me why I haven’t upgraded the ivandis flail to it’s full power yet. Oh… I vaguely remember that it needs vampyre corpses to be cremated to gain more power, but several hundreds of those will take me at least more time than I bother spending. It’s time to come up with a master plan to speed things up massively!

I put on my best vampyre salesman disguise and head over to Darkmyer, a hive of the soon to be corpses. Turns out they are really easy to fool as I tell them I’m a seller of crimson red sunblocking curtains, and that I need to inspect every single building to get the measures of how much they need. I enter the houses and stack as many pyre logs as I can before leaving, lighting a fire as I exit the city. One civilization later and with a few thousand angry spirits haunting me, I pay another visit to Ivan to ask why my flail is still mediocre. He angrily mumbles something about me being a monster, before handing me a fully upgraded flail as protection. Ding..? If only he did that earlier, he would still have a job as border patrol, and I would be well on to my next step of my adventure.

Challenge Maria

I found Maria crying outside a haunted house that I’ve already cleansed from its paranormal guests. As the name never specified what type of challenge I had to partake in, I challenge her to a game of poker. Well, I’m now broke. Turns out standing around crying for nearly six years gives you quite the pokerface. She tells me that it’s her turn to challenge me and does so by asking me to enter the allegedly haunted house to open some chests I forgot the last time I was there. Well, I'm sorry for not open every single furniture as I was running from ghosts, Maria!

Entering an empty house and opening chests should not be to hard, so I gladly accept her challenge. Turns out she is also a witch, as she has somehow trapped me in the past, or perhaps some alternate dimension where the ghosts are back, the doors are locked again, and every item has reset to their earlier positions. One disconnect and several “Oh gods” later, I make it out and get rewarded with a lamp and a ding… Well, at least I’m done traveling to other dimensions for the foreseeable future!

A penny for your life

HAHA! Jokes on you, my life isn’t even worth a penny! But jokes on me, as the entire economy of this world is made up by gold pieces. Well, except for the Arc, but that’s just some random retirement paradise that I won’t visit ever again. Turning to the only person I could remember that might know where I would find pennies, I travel to Aris in Varrock to have my future read. Aris tells me that she, and only she for some strange reason has a shop that exclusively trades for silver pennies! I make sure to ask her where one would find such rarities, and she brags that they are exclusively from her. That doesn’t seem like the most normal way to run your shop, but what do I know about business.

Turns out I can get pennies from her by doing some work for her. But by work, she means that I have to travel to an alternate dimension for the second time in a day, and replay my least liked quest ever. Dimension of disaster. After hating my life for at least one whole hour (mostly due to Ulrist, or whatever and his shop with 1 diamond at a time, which he restocks whenever he bothers), I have now done the same thing four more times, and the old lady rewards me with a whopping 20 pennies that I can now use in her shop, and only there. With that much work, I guess she must be selling some neat stuff. But turns out she almost only sell rejected Halloween costumes and convenient skips that are only convenient while replaying the same quest even more times, haha, NO! But I finally hear the last ding I need to hear, and I can now purchase a new cape.

Passion for fashion

With my list now complete I head over to the Varrock museum to buy a cape. There I meet an old man wearing the same cape as I am buying. Something tells me he just made the cape and came up with this elaborate list of random stuff to do, just so that he could be unique without even doing anything himself, and also make a pretty good amount of money on the side from idiot adventurers that actually do his list. But after making my cat hate me, burning down a city, visiting a haunted house and the same dimension several times in one day, I can’t be bothered to argue with him. I gladly pay him some gold just to go to bed feeling like I did something productive. But just you wait mr. curator. I will come back for you!

And thus ends my quest for fabric. Or at least this particular color of fabric, as I have not forgotten my short friends lovely cape just yet…

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It seems to me that you spend more time on here writing your story than actually playing the game Hax!  Funny as hell mate, keep up the good work and massive grats on the master quest cape!!

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  • 1 month later...

I was going to tell an epic tale about how I finished the new quest Desperate Measures. But I for some reason can't really twist it into something epic at all.

WARNING: This post will contain some spoilers about the story of the new quest and should in no way at all act as a helpful guide on how to complete the quest. If you don't want it spoiled for you, do the darn thing, then come back and feed my ego later! You have been warned!!!!!!!!

 

As my new journey began, I got a strange feeling that Seren wanted a date with yours truely. Dressed in my finest Zarosian gear, I hurried over to the place where you would suspect the crystal god of the pointy-eared-humans to recide, Burthorpe. As I ascended the stairs of her new base, I realized this wasn't a normal date, as i quickly laid eyes on some other participants that for some reason any sane person would argue are bending the laws of reality by fitting inside the small shack she calls a castle. Seren told me that some dragonlooking guy surely had to be hiding on Anachronia, to wich I argued, after my many, many days of exploring the island, could not be true! We compromised and before I knew it I was on my way there to meet up with Gielinor's finest private invastigators: Thok, and his partner Carlos.

Entering the basecamp I set up there like a year ago, I talked to the dragon working for Varrock's museum. Yes Varrock has a dragon, but are still scared of zombies attacking! He told me my colleagues had left earlier to search for Kerapac's base. That is dragonspeak for "They are standing right outside the basecamp, and we can basically see them from here". I relentfully made my way over to them only to be met with them arguing about who is more stupid. After Thok had told me totally not canon version of their landing on the island, I was tasked with doing something I for sure haven't done before! I was going to dig around the mud looking for broken stuff to fix. Sadly to fix the random item i found literally TWO STEPS from where they had been standing I had to go all the way back to the digsite. After having traveled more in one day than I wanted to, I was tasked with doing the same thing AGAIN! Here I tought being a guildmaster of the dirtdiggergang would allow me to order some other people to do the work for me, BOY WAS I WRONG! So another trip to the digsite and back had to be done, only for Charos to tell me I needed to ask someone who knows this stuff! Like, why didn't we just do that from the start mister?

So tasked with finding the last, but also not last, of his kin, I had to look in the most obvious place that a legendary dragonrider would be. Yes, a retirement home where we house giant dinosaurs for breeding. The dragonrider, Hannibus, told me to meet him at one of the most isolated location the island has to offer. And then he just flew off, without even offering me a ride. So again I had to set out on a long journey just to speak to the same guy I just talked to. He showed me the door to where some sleepy dragonpeople was hibernating for a few years to many. Hannibus helped me to enter the sleeping peoples dream, so that I could learn how to activate some sort of thing, which I did. After what I tought was a job well done, he also told me to watch the dream one more time, so that I could learn some secret password to a hidden door on the other side of the ruins. Sometimes I wonder why he can't just do some of the things himself. I did, and the process was not slow at all... After entering the second hidden door, we had to enter another convenient dream to learn something about something. Things turned wierd, and the dreamers noticed me, before we left the dream. Someone else that had noticed me was Kerapac, and somehow Thok and Charos also decided to show up now, after the work was done. 

EPIC BOSSFIGHT TIME! 
NOPE! He has overpowered healing powers, so this step of the quest was just a waste of time. After Kearpac was done flexing on us, he was going to attack my beloved basecamp, which I for sure am very emotionally invested in! Agreeing to what the other people told me they wanted to do, I fended of Kearpac's dinosaur stampede with no issues at all. I went over to Seren to tell her about my discovery, and the crazy lady told me I had to convince Jas, a totally not overpowered deathmachine to help me. So she then just left and tolk me meet her in the desert. Because obviously she could not just teleport me there, it's not like she is a godess or something. I talked to Jas, she gave me her eye, and I went back to dinoland. 

Charos now told me we needed to activate a thing to enter a door. I was like of course we do, it's not like you've had all the time in the world to do just that while I've been traveling the world for no rason at all! I ran around a volcano and activated things, until Charos told me it was time to enter the super secret base of evil dragonlike operations. Inside the base I was met with a puzzle to activate some pillars by using the secret dragonkin language. Luckily, since I had been traveling so much I had also taken up on studying that same language, and the puzzle did not take long at all to complete, haha.... I entered a barrier and was met face to face with the Black Stone Dragon!

EPIC BOSSFIGHT TIME EP. 2
Well. No! The fight was not epic at all, and was more annoyingly slow than challenging. After barely doing anything I had won the fight, and Kerapac showed himself. I did my thing and showed him the eye of Jas, stunning him with my awesomenes! Jas appeared, I think, and used her reverse uno card to win the day. Yay? Long story short: Kerapac is mad, I feel bad, and oh... The place is falling appart! Good thing my two sidekicks Thok and other guy showed up to save me. After exiting, one of Jas' siblings decided to show up with style, and destroyed a volcano. YAY! Quest done!

 

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Your story telling is better than the actuall quest 

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  • 4 months later...

My oh my, where have I been?
 

Well, to be perfectly honest, that is a long and boring story, that will probably take me at least 15 minutes to explain. So let's just agree that I've been here all the time, and I've continued to update with funny and top tier posts for you all.

 

Now from something boring to something even boringer. My epic quest to reclaim my glory, and prove that I am still worthy of wearing my dusty completionist cape. 
First on my list of extremely interesting tasks was to become a music critic, by listening to ALL the new soundtracks in game. My mission started by traveling in first class to Anachronia, my second home. As I arrived, I asked the locals where I would be able to hear these interesting new songs, and quickly learned that I had to pose undercover as an archeaologist and travel around the digsites on the island. As a man who has spent more hours than I'm willing to admit on Dinoisland without ever seeing a digsite, I tought they were pranking me. This had to be a setup to host a surprise party, as a thank you to the legendary hero Haxorze, saviour of the dinos that one time mr dragonman went all supervillain. I excitingly played along, and made my way to the first "digsite".

Arriving there I found out they had actually buildt a whole digsite there. Hmm, surely they are not saving on any expenses to honor me. I asked one of the people there why they would go to such lenghts just for a party. With a confused look in his eyes, he started yelling at me. "You're the reason the volcano exploded!" I argued that it was in fact an elder god that did it, and surely that has to be way over my capability to handle. But then again, I might have angered it by killing of a large amount of the local wildlife, just for it getting in my general area. So I tried my second best excuse, that surely an elder god can't see me as a big enough treath to go to such desperate measures (wink wink). I made sure to not mention that I beat every fight in that quest basically by looking at my enemy for a few seconds. Back to my quest for musical therapy!

I entered the digsites, wich proved to be actual digsites, and not a secret party location for me. Strangely the people here view me as some sort of an eco criminal. I tried to make my reputation better, accidentaly swapping the brains of a human and a salamander. Should probably get back to that at some point. But after traveling so many times forth and back around that island, mostly because I am to stubborn to look at a guide, making me forget every single item I needed to carry with me to solve the mysteries, I was not in the mood to play doctor. I'm also convinced that most of those mysteries was just a way to keep me too occupied to cause any more harm. But I heard all the songs I needed to and left the island. Forever.

Next on my list was to learn some potion brewing. As a master of herblore, I tought this would be easy, but oh my! Who would have tought you needed to work as an archeaologist, on an island that despises me, to actually find the FRAGMENTS needed to make the recipies. I had only one problem. I was now banned from Anachronia, and therefore this task was impossible for me to complete! But being me, a force of chaos and also rng, I just payed off other adventurers to do the work for me, and then read the recipies they collected. Task done!

And now, only one thing stood between me and my cape. I had to become a builder. But not the cool type of builder, that builds law bending constructs of pure imagination. No, I had to become a builder of chairs, tables and torches. The estate agents, who all probably have less experience with construction than me sent me a list of five pieces of furniture i had to repair for about six different people around three different cities. Sounds easy, right? The catch is that I had to do this one hundred times, meaning I had to travel forth and back between the worst houseowners in the world, building five HUNDRED items wich just randomly broke after five minutes. I swear to everything thats holy, no not you Saradomin, that if the shopkeeper, who NEVER enteres his 1st floor, manages to break his adamantium plated stove in less time than i use to walk down the stairs, he probably should not own a stove!

But, I am a man that likes capes, so I endured. And after a few hours I was ready to retire as a constructor, putting my cape back onto my back and hoping to never ever see those ungrateful people again. Needless to say, I had to let out some agression after that. I payed a visit to my good friend Araxxi, proving once again, that if you're tired of going dry on drops, just neglect the boss for months, come back, and get what you want!

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