It’s time for me to continue my quest to snatch myself a dwarven cape with a pickaxe drawn onto it. Hmm… That reminds me:
I’ve been putting this off for way to long now. But I have honestly just been really busy with… uhm… Ah, who am I kidding, I’m just really lazy. Those 4 last requirements are getting done now! But, I will of course just read the titles of the achievements, and base my entire strategy from that. So buckle up, this is going to be one wild ride!
First on my list of odd things to do for some fabric is to get myself a purple cat, I think. Turns out the Grand Exchange does not sell them, and Gertrude called me a lunatic when asking her for one. Where have I seen one of those oddly colored fluffballs before? Thinking about that takes too much time, so I’ll just paint my neglected hellcat purple. Off to Draynor to visit my good friend, what’s her name. Aggie told me that to make purple dye, she needed some redberries and blue leaves. Of course! Red and blue makes purple, and purple makes my cat funny looking.
Turns out that witch didn’t even bother mixing my two dyes together… Luckily I know basic chemistry, and can pour two colors together to make another color! Yay, science! After mixing the liquids together in a shady alley I dragged my cat out from my backpack and poured the liquid onto it. Hmm... No achievement ding sound, and my cat looks more sick than slick. But in the corner of my eye I spot a random purple cat running along the road next to another witch. I quickly run over to her and ask how much she wants for the cat, but she tells me it’s not for sale. But she promise to teach me how if I steal some strange vial from her colleague in Port Sarim.
Heading over to Port Sarim, I swiftly sneak into a hidden basement just to get stopped by Lottie, the failed zoologist. She tells me that if I can sort out the mess she has made by placing the animals in random pens, I get the vial for free. I don’t think she knows what free means, but alas, this random scheme has taken to long, so I just do what she says. Rushing back to Draynor, I hand over the vial and DING! Achievement done. Weird, I was sure I had to paint my cat for it to work, but oh well. With a cat that hates me, I’m on to the next one!
Ivan is flailing!
This one makes no sense at all. I went to visit my old pal Ivan Storm, as he is the only Ivan I know. Now to make him flail! I order him to swing his arms around wildly if he doesn’t want to end up like his vampyre hunting buddy group, and with a confused look, he does so. After several uncomfortable minutes he asks me why I haven’t upgraded the ivandis flail to it’s full power yet. Oh… I vaguely remember that it needs vampyre corpses to be cremated to gain more power, but several hundreds of those will take me at least more time than I bother spending. It’s time to come up with a master plan to speed things up massively!
I put on my best vampyre salesman disguise and head over to Darkmyer, a hive of the soon to be corpses. Turns out they are really easy to fool as I tell them I’m a seller of crimson red sunblocking curtains, and that I need to inspect every single building to get the measures of how much they need. I enter the houses and stack as many pyre logs as I can before leaving, lighting a fire as I exit the city. One civilization later and with a few thousand angry spirits haunting me, I pay another visit to Ivan to ask why my flail is still mediocre. He angrily mumbles something about me being a monster, before handing me a fully upgraded flail as protection. Ding..? If only he did that earlier, he would still have a job as border patrol, and I would be well on to my next step of my adventure.
I found Maria crying outside a haunted house that I’ve already cleansed from its paranormal guests. As the name never specified what type of challenge I had to partake in, I challenge her to a game of poker. Well, I’m now broke. Turns out standing around crying for nearly six years gives you quite the pokerface. She tells me that it’s her turn to challenge me and does so by asking me to enter the allegedly haunted house to open some chests I forgot the last time I was there. Well, I'm sorry for not open every single furniture as I was running from ghosts, Maria!
Entering an empty house and opening chests should not be to hard, so I gladly accept her challenge. Turns out she is also a witch, as she has somehow trapped me in the past, or perhaps some alternate dimension where the ghosts are back, the doors are locked again, and every item has reset to their earlier positions. One disconnect and several “Oh gods” later, I make it out and get rewarded with a lamp and a ding… Well, at least I’m done traveling to other dimensions for the foreseeable future!
A penny for your life
HAHA! Jokes on you, my life isn’t even worth a penny! But jokes on me, as the entire economy of this world is made up by gold pieces. Well, except for the Arc, but that’s just some random retirement paradise that I won’t visit ever again. Turning to the only person I could remember that might know where I would find pennies, I travel to Aris in Varrock to have my future read. Aris tells me that she, and only she for some strange reason has a shop that exclusively trades for silver pennies! I make sure to ask her where one would find such rarities, and she brags that they are exclusively from her. That doesn’t seem like the most normal way to run your shop, but what do I know about business.
Turns out I can get pennies from her by doing some work for her. But by work, she means that I have to travel to an alternate dimension for the second time in a day, and replay my least liked quest ever. Dimension of disaster. After hating my life for at least one whole hour (mostly due to Ulrist, or whatever and his shop with 1 diamond at a time, which he restocks whenever he bothers), I have now done the same thing four more times, and the old lady rewards me with a whopping 20 pennies that I can now use in her shop, and only there. With that much work, I guess she must be selling some neat stuff. But turns out she almost only sell rejected Halloween costumes and convenient skips that are only convenient while replaying the same quest even more times, haha, NO! But I finally hear the last ding I need to hear, and I can now purchase a new cape.
Passion for fashion
With my list now complete I head over to the Varrock museum to buy a cape. There I meet an old man wearing the same cape as I am buying. Something tells me he just made the cape and came up with this elaborate list of random stuff to do, just so that he could be unique without even doing anything himself, and also make a pretty good amount of money on the side from idiot adventurers that actually do his list. But after making my cat hate me, burning down a city, visiting a haunted house and the same dimension several times in one day, I can’t be bothered to argue with him. I gladly pay him some gold just to go to bed feeling like I did something productive. But just you wait mr. curator. I will come back for you!
And thus ends my quest for fabric. Or at least this particular color of fabric, as I have not forgotten my short friends lovely cape just yet…