Jump to content

Leaderboard

Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation on 12/05/2020 in all areas

  1. My oh my, where have I been? Well, to be perfectly honest, that is a long and boring story, that will probably take me at least 15 minutes to explain. So let's just agree that I've been here all the time, and I've continued to update with funny and top tier posts for you all. Now from something boring to something even boringer. My epic quest to reclaim my glory, and prove that I am still worthy of wearing my dusty completionist cape. First on my list of extremely interesting tasks was to become a music critic, by listening to ALL the new soundtracks in game. My mission started by traveling in first class to Anachronia, my second home. As I arrived, I asked the locals where I would be able to hear these interesting new songs, and quickly learned that I had to pose undercover as an archeaologist and travel around the digsites on the island. As a man who has spent more hours than I'm willing to admit on Dinoisland without ever seeing a digsite, I tought they were pranking me. This had to be a setup to host a surprise party, as a thank you to the legendary hero Haxorze, saviour of the dinos that one time mr dragonman went all supervillain. I excitingly played along, and made my way to the first "digsite". Arriving there I found out they had actually buildt a whole digsite there. Hmm, surely they are not saving on any expenses to honor me. I asked one of the people there why they would go to such lenghts just for a party. With a confused look in his eyes, he started yelling at me. "You're the reason the volcano exploded!" I argued that it was in fact an elder god that did it, and surely that has to be way over my capability to handle. But then again, I might have angered it by killing of a large amount of the local wildlife, just for it getting in my general area. So I tried my second best excuse, that surely an elder god can't see me as a big enough treath to go to such desperate measures (wink wink). I made sure to not mention that I beat every fight in that quest basically by looking at my enemy for a few seconds. Back to my quest for musical therapy! I entered the digsites, wich proved to be actual digsites, and not a secret party location for me. Strangely the people here view me as some sort of an eco criminal. I tried to make my reputation better, accidentaly swapping the brains of a human and a salamander. Should probably get back to that at some point. But after traveling so many times forth and back around that island, mostly because I am to stubborn to look at a guide, making me forget every single item I needed to carry with me to solve the mysteries, I was not in the mood to play doctor. I'm also convinced that most of those mysteries was just a way to keep me too occupied to cause any more harm. But I heard all the songs I needed to and left the island. Forever. Next on my list was to learn some potion brewing. As a master of herblore, I tought this would be easy, but oh my! Who would have tought you needed to work as an archeaologist, on an island that despises me, to actually find the FRAGMENTS needed to make the recipies. I had only one problem. I was now banned from Anachronia, and therefore this task was impossible for me to complete! But being me, a force of chaos and also rng, I just payed off other adventurers to do the work for me, and then read the recipies they collected. Task done! And now, only one thing stood between me and my cape. I had to become a builder. But not the cool type of builder, that builds law bending constructs of pure imagination. No, I had to become a builder of chairs, tables and torches. The estate agents, who all probably have less experience with construction than me sent me a list of five pieces of furniture i had to repair for about six different people around three different cities. Sounds easy, right? The catch is that I had to do this one hundred times, meaning I had to travel forth and back between the worst houseowners in the world, building five HUNDRED items wich just randomly broke after five minutes. I swear to everything thats holy, no not you Saradomin, that if the shopkeeper, who NEVER enteres his 1st floor, manages to break his adamantium plated stove in less time than i use to walk down the stairs, he probably should not own a stove! But, I am a man that likes capes, so I endured. And after a few hours I was ready to retire as a constructor, putting my cape back onto my back and hoping to never ever see those ungrateful people again. Needless to say, I had to let out some agression after that. I payed a visit to my good friend Araxxi, proving once again, that if you're tired of going dry on drops, just neglect the boss for months, come back, and get what you want!
    1 point
  2. It’s time for me to continue my quest to snatch myself a dwarven cape with a pickaxe drawn onto it. Hmm… That reminds me: I’ve been putting this off for way to long now. But I have honestly just been really busy with… uhm… Ah, who am I kidding, I’m just really lazy. Those 4 last requirements are getting done now! But, I will of course just read the titles of the achievements, and base my entire strategy from that. So buckle up, this is going to be one wild ride! Purple cat: First on my list of odd things to do for some fabric is to get myself a purple cat, I think. Turns out the Grand Exchange does not sell them, and Gertrude called me a lunatic when asking her for one. Where have I seen one of those oddly colored fluffballs before? Thinking about that takes too much time, so I’ll just paint my neglected hellcat purple. Off to Draynor to visit my good friend, what’s her name. Aggie told me that to make purple dye, she needed some redberries and blue leaves. Of course! Red and blue makes purple, and purple makes my cat funny looking. Turns out that witch didn’t even bother mixing my two dyes together… Luckily I know basic chemistry, and can pour two colors together to make another color! Yay, science! After mixing the liquids together in a shady alley I dragged my cat out from my backpack and poured the liquid onto it. Hmm... No achievement ding sound, and my cat looks more sick than slick. But in the corner of my eye I spot a random purple cat running along the road next to another witch. I quickly run over to her and ask how much she wants for the cat, but she tells me it’s not for sale. But she promise to teach me how if I steal some strange vial from her colleague in Port Sarim. Heading over to Port Sarim, I swiftly sneak into a hidden basement just to get stopped by Lottie, the failed zoologist. She tells me that if I can sort out the mess she has made by placing the animals in random pens, I get the vial for free. I don’t think she knows what free means, but alas, this random scheme has taken to long, so I just do what she says. Rushing back to Draynor, I hand over the vial and DING! Achievement done. Weird, I was sure I had to paint my cat for it to work, but oh well. With a cat that hates me, I’m on to the next one! Ivan is flailing! This one makes no sense at all. I went to visit my old pal Ivan Storm, as he is the only Ivan I know. Now to make him flail! I order him to swing his arms around wildly if he doesn’t want to end up like his vampyre hunting buddy group, and with a confused look, he does so. After several uncomfortable minutes he asks me why I haven’t upgraded the ivandis flail to it’s full power yet. Oh… I vaguely remember that it needs vampyre corpses to be cremated to gain more power, but several hundreds of those will take me at least more time than I bother spending. It’s time to come up with a master plan to speed things up massively! I put on my best vampyre salesman disguise and head over to Darkmyer, a hive of the soon to be corpses. Turns out they are really easy to fool as I tell them I’m a seller of crimson red sunblocking curtains, and that I need to inspect every single building to get the measures of how much they need. I enter the houses and stack as many pyre logs as I can before leaving, lighting a fire as I exit the city. One civilization later and with a few thousand angry spirits haunting me, I pay another visit to Ivan to ask why my flail is still mediocre. He angrily mumbles something about me being a monster, before handing me a fully upgraded flail as protection. Ding..? If only he did that earlier, he would still have a job as border patrol, and I would be well on to my next step of my adventure. Challenge Maria I found Maria crying outside a haunted house that I’ve already cleansed from its paranormal guests. As the name never specified what type of challenge I had to partake in, I challenge her to a game of poker. Well, I’m now broke. Turns out standing around crying for nearly six years gives you quite the pokerface. She tells me that it’s her turn to challenge me and does so by asking me to enter the allegedly haunted house to open some chests I forgot the last time I was there. Well, I'm sorry for not open every single furniture as I was running from ghosts, Maria! Entering an empty house and opening chests should not be to hard, so I gladly accept her challenge. Turns out she is also a witch, as she has somehow trapped me in the past, or perhaps some alternate dimension where the ghosts are back, the doors are locked again, and every item has reset to their earlier positions. One disconnect and several “Oh gods” later, I make it out and get rewarded with a lamp and a ding… Well, at least I’m done traveling to other dimensions for the foreseeable future! A penny for your life HAHA! Jokes on you, my life isn’t even worth a penny! But jokes on me, as the entire economy of this world is made up by gold pieces. Well, except for the Arc, but that’s just some random retirement paradise that I won’t visit ever again. Turning to the only person I could remember that might know where I would find pennies, I travel to Aris in Varrock to have my future read. Aris tells me that she, and only she for some strange reason has a shop that exclusively trades for silver pennies! I make sure to ask her where one would find such rarities, and she brags that they are exclusively from her. That doesn’t seem like the most normal way to run your shop, but what do I know about business. Turns out I can get pennies from her by doing some work for her. But by work, she means that I have to travel to an alternate dimension for the second time in a day, and replay my least liked quest ever. Dimension of disaster. After hating my life for at least one whole hour (mostly due to Ulrist, or whatever and his shop with 1 diamond at a time, which he restocks whenever he bothers), I have now done the same thing four more times, and the old lady rewards me with a whopping 20 pennies that I can now use in her shop, and only there. With that much work, I guess she must be selling some neat stuff. But turns out she almost only sell rejected Halloween costumes and convenient skips that are only convenient while replaying the same quest even more times, haha, NO! But I finally hear the last ding I need to hear, and I can now purchase a new cape. Passion for fashion With my list now complete I head over to the Varrock museum to buy a cape. There I meet an old man wearing the same cape as I am buying. Something tells me he just made the cape and came up with this elaborate list of random stuff to do, just so that he could be unique without even doing anything himself, and also make a pretty good amount of money on the side from idiot adventurers that actually do his list. But after making my cat hate me, burning down a city, visiting a haunted house and the same dimension several times in one day, I can’t be bothered to argue with him. I gladly pay him some gold just to go to bed feeling like I did something productive. But just you wait mr. curator. I will come back for you! And thus ends my quest for fabric. Or at least this particular color of fabric, as I have not forgotten my short friends lovely cape just yet…
    1 point
×
×
  • Create New...