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Haxorze last won the day on October 2

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About Haxorze

  • Birthday 03/16/1995

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  1. So, I've been absent again. But this time I do actually have a good excuse! You know, with the whole elder god invasion of Senntisten and all. "But Haxorze, does your return mean they gave up?" I hear you say my loyal friends. Well of course not! But the last attempt from them doesn't allow me to go in crossbows blazing, and I instead have to hone my pacifist side by doing gathering skills. I won't lie, I'm about as good at labouring skills as a rock is at being a music genre; it all depends on the context of the situation. But now that I'm here, let me tell you all I know about the three first strikes from the old ones. Jas and the strategic assault The first action from the elders came as no surprise, I mean, Kerapac had already told us about it prior to the attack. But after having enslaved Kerapac again, she instructed him to bring her an army of dragonkins. And him being lazy took the only ones that he didn't have to talk to first. Enter the sleeping dragonkin, the Nodons. These highly technological clan of walking dragons has entered the battlefield north-west of the cathedral where my divine mercenaries reside, and they have brought cannons. Kerapac himself is waiting inside a colosseum, wich he has renovated with his elder artefacts. Luckily he has forgotten the mirror in his bathroom, so that makes fighting him a lot easier. So I just stroll in and kill him a few times. Luckily he has forgotten the mirror in his bathroom, so that makes fighting him a lot easier... Wait... So I just stroll in and kill him a few times. Luckily he has forgotten the mirror... Ok, that's it. You win Kerapac, I give up. Wen and the sub-zero redemption arc The second elder takes a much more chill approach. Indtead of a tactical advancement of forces, she just teleports a bunch of glacors to the southern parts of Senntisten, including a giant Arch-Glacor. Rumour has it she didn't even look them in the eyes as she brought them in, thats cold Wen! Azzanadra has tasked some of Gielinor's greatest magicians to help subdue this towering monstrosity and it's powers. I tell them I can take it on all by myself, because fortunately it's ice-olated on top of an aqueduct, and I'm bringing the heat. I'm fighting the thing tooth and hail, but it just keeps coming back angrier and angrier. That's an ice mechanic you got there. Well that's cool, I'm just gonna slip out of here and leave it to the wizards. Bik and the possible Yu-Gi-Oh refrence Before Bik played her hand, Seren decided to move some of the guards from Lumbridge and Varrock to the frontlines of the battlefield. That's a very clever idea Seren, let us bring in the men who are struggeling to fend of goblins and zombies to a war against gods. It went as good as one would assume, and they all died when Bik decided to revive an ancient fungal experiment that feeds and grows stronger on the dead. Meet Croesus, I have no idea what it really is, but I do know I can't fight it normally, because it requires gathering mushrooms and building statues. I'll just leave this to the skillers. Ful and the TBD Well I don't know, I'm not a time traveler, yet. During all this warfare and bloodshed, the gods of Gielinor has been standing in the catherdral BIK-ering to eachother. No MAH-tter what, they JAS can't get along with eachother. WEN they stop being so FUL of themselves, we might have a shot at winning. Ok, I'll stop now.
  2. You see this unfortunate guy? Well, that's me. (Editors note: Remember to add picture of me in an awkward situation inside Senntisten). You might wonder how I ended up in the tought to be lost Senntisten. Don't worry, I'll get to that. Right after a word from our sponsor: The Beach! Do you wish you could be outside in the scorching sun instead of playing runescape? Yeah, me neither. Why not go to Runescape's own summer beach? You can pick coconuts, build sandcastles, flex your pixelated muscles, or if you still haven't figured out how dungoneering works after 11 years; hide in a hole for hours upon hours, and more!. By participating in the various highly engaging activites you can expand your ever growing list of cosmetic costumes and pets. There is also a pvm boss encounter every hour, where you and everyone else fight a highly challenging... oh, its gone again? And if you're lucky, you might even run into me there. Probably not. Ok, that was a stupid bit, back to my quest recap. This journey started by me kind of accidentaly stumbeling back into the desert where Ariene Grande was very happy to see that I was still alive. I'm not sure if you know this Ariane, but I have a deal with Death, yes THE Death, so I'm basically unkillable. I shrug it of as the desert heat making her perception a bit wonky. She tells me something about Zaros having tempered with a codex and now the eggs we found last time we met are beggining to hatch, but she has employed the help of Varrocks best and only librarian, who is also 50% of Gielinor's best and only private investigator duo. Ariane leeds me inside of the elder halls, where Carlos is waiting for us. The two of them ask me for tips on how to move the eggs away and drain them of energy. I give them several very good ideas, but they refuse all of them, as they would not bring the plot forward. Our planning is however stopped as Azanadra teleports in. He looks a bit different though, I think he's got a new hat. Ariane and Charlie is not happy to see him, but he reasures them that he is there by his own will, as Zaros has left Gielinor after the battle of archaeology. Wasn't I also there? I don't remember Zaros leaving, but then again, I was asleep for most of it. He tells us that the elder gods will send TokHaar and other unknown forces to claim the eggs from us. I don't know what a TokHaar is, but I think maybe my lavafriends from Karamja could help us out. Also, I'm pretty sure we don't own the eggs at all, but whatever. Azzanadra suggests that we move the eggs to Senntisten, a very old city that no one has found yet, decpite the archeaology guild being right next to the entrance for over a year now. Having no other idea that has been approved by Ariane and Charles, we agree to this suggestion, and Azzanadra tells me to meet him at the guild he tried to sack a few months back. And then he just teleports without me. Starting to sense a pattern here... At the guild, Azzanadra has dressed up as a homeless man, so I spent about a week to find him. When I finally figure out that he has been standing on a balcony looking at me awkwardly trying to ask people if they are Azzanadra in disguise, without saying anything to me. He talks to me as if it's only been moments since we left the eggs. Way to act like you have a god complex mister! Before he wil take me into the lost city he gives me a list of five gods he needs to help us. I don't think any of them likes me enough to willingly help me, but I might be able to convince Icthlarin by throwing him a bone. First on my list is Seren the tyrantqueen of Burthorpe, who i very, very reluctant to help me and Azzanadra try to complete what she has wanted to do for ages, but she ultimately agree because of her brother. I feel like I've skipped over something, but it's probably not important. Zamorak is already packing up his things to leave for Senntisten, and even offers to teleport me out so I can complete my mission, What a good guy he is aand I'm now north of Daemonheim, great! Saradmin doesn't want to join, but I tell him I will summon him with a bell until he agrees, so he does. Armadyl is still sitting at top of his tower, eyes locked on the position where Bandos sat years ago. As he has nothing better to do after having killed Bandos he is also in. That makes four down, and Icthlarin will definately also join. Well, he didn't. Returning to Azzanadra with the news, he tells me to meet him at Senntisten. I can' wait to explore an ancient city, believed to be lost forever. Sadly I have to, as the entrance is blocked by the archaeology skill. I swear Azzanadra probably reblocked the entreance out of boredom just to strech this story out. After having digged away the soil I reveal a magical barrier, powered by a the fact that archaeology is a new skill. I restore my way into the city and we enter a cathedral and I get some exposition about the place. Charmander teleports the eggs into the cathedral and I get tasked by finding some very dangerous wards hidden in the city. The city itself is also dangerous as shadows hurts me somehow, and I have to light my way trough the streets. I walk down the first set of stairs from the cathedral and enter the first house I can see. Inside I find the christmas ward, and holding the ward makes the shadows angry at me, so I run back to Azzanadra and give it to him. That was easy, I'll just have to do that three more times, and I'm done. Back in the city I find four gargoyles that fly out to different parts of the city to hide. I wonder why they are so affraid of me, I've even been known to own one at a time. After killing them all I grab the pollution ward and head back to Azzanadra. My next trip to the streets brings me to an old wine shop, where I pour some wines around some bottles until a door opens and an angry romanian vampyre tries to wine and dine me. He died of dehydration and I grab the wine ward. The last ward is hidden inside a house that laughs as I enter. Inside I find a book written by Sliske, and I open some drawers to loot before I take the darkness ward and return to Azzanadra for the last time. Inide the cathedral Seren, Zamorak, Saradomin and Armadyl has arrived and are having some friendly banter before Azzanadra tells them to start siphoning the eggs. As they do they make some comments on Azzanadra having ascended to godhood, but I'm sure they are just teasing him for his new hat. I stand around feeling very useful as I watch four gods draining power from some other gods. Luckily we get interupted by a hologram of Kerapac, of cource he has a CommOrb v3. I ask him to go away, but he can't because he is there to invade with his army. So here I stand, between gods and dragonkin on the brink of war, and all I want to do is to go home. Remember to use code: Haxummer2021 for 30% more fun at the beach!
  3. Hello again! Have you missed me? Please say yes... What has happened in the eventful life of Haxorze recently, you might wonder. Well, worry no longer, let me tell you trough my prefered medium; very down to earth documentary styled recap. After having spent a few months traveling the world of Gielinor punching wildlife, demons and demigods into submition using only my fist and alos powerfull weapons, i heard a faith buzzing from my backpack. It was my best friend in the entire world, Azzanadra, that was calling me on my ComOrb. With me having the attention span of a puppy, which in fact are very, very cute and fluffy. Especially when they are running around! Wait... Where was I? Oh, Azzanadra! To paraphrase what he said, he mention something about the mining guild, it having been months since I left, and I'm pretty sure I heard Graardor in the background. Weird that they are hanging together. Azzanadra said to come see him at Seren's grand castle in Burthorpe, as he needed my help, and he made sure to tell me that I owed him for something about a dwarf. I have no idea what he is talking about, but I'm not someone that leaves my best friend waiting, so i agreed! At the council meeting Seren has held for over a year now, Azzy pulled me aside and told me story about some eggs and elderly gods. This has all the signs of a quest! And I bet Saradomin is part of it, as he has white hair, and therefor must be one of the elderly gods. Azzanadra told me to meet him at Freneskae, the worst vacation spot I have ever seen. There we traveled along the road to the old halls, or I traveled, whilst Azzanadra mockingly teleported around and just stood there waiting for me as I got hit by lightning over and over. I'm sure he has a logical explaination to why he couldn't teleport me as well, he would never want to hurt and/or betray me. Upon entering the halls of the old, we met no other than Ariane Grande. She told me about Xenia, who is also old. Hmm, the plot thickens! Or is she dead? I can't remember. Azzy and Ariane told me to train my divination skill, and honestly, when else am I going to do it? Azzy gave me a blank observation and told me to make it not blank by collecting the memories of some gods. Easy as that I just did it, and handed it proudly over to my firend. He fumbled around with it for a few minutes, as Ariane constantly asked if he had tried to turn it off and on again. "How do you expect me to restart an ancient artefact?" His voice sounded annoyed, but also determined. Ariane grabbed the thing, and pushed the big power button on it's back. It's okay Azzy, I did not notice it either... Ariane had a vision, and stood there staring blankly into the wall for about 30 minutes. As she returned to us she looked scared beyond belief. "They.. They are going to destroy Gielinor!" She gasped for air. I'm so glad you are finally cathing on with literally everyone else, Ariane! This was a waste of our time, let's go do something fun! Azzanadra and Ariane left me behind as they traveled to Kharid-Et to discuss things, and sent me to Falador to meet up with Trindine. Wait, did i forget to mention that Trindine is in this adventure, and I also forgot to mention who Trindine is? Long story short, she was trapped inside a vault for a very long time, and now she is not trapped, there we're all up to speed! Our mission was to steal Saradomins crown, but he was not home. So I found my old friend Owen, and peer pressured him into helping me ask everyone in the castle until they finally called big blue man back. Saradomin actually seemed happy to see me, weird... I told him that the world was in danger, that Seren was acting like a tyrant, somehow this involved some eggs, and that I wanted to lend his crown. He said no, the crown wasn't a tradable item, so we had to return to Kharid-Et empty handed. Azzanadra was not pleased with my failure, so I blamed Trindine for it. He decied to send us out on yet another mission together, because surely out of the four of us, me and her are of course the pair with the best track record of getting things done together. We traveled to the hall of memories and I got to read Guthix diary, probably not important. Then to the city of the lavamen, who had an argument, probably not important. And lastly to the wizards tower, definately not important. Once again we had to return empty handed. This time Ariane is taking a nap. Azzy had probably just been to generous with the Zarosian wine. She wakes up and mentions something about the Heart of Gielinor, and having nothing better to do, Azzanadra, Ariane and I travel there to see what Helwyr and Greg are doing. Upon entering the former battlefield we are met by Helwyr and his wildlife protection team, who is accusing me of being a danger to the worlds very delicate ecosystem. Before I get the time to think up a clever comeback, Gregorovic comes running trough, and Helwyr follows him. Under the battlefield we find the eggs, and of course I have to observe them. After all, I am the most capable of understanding such ancient power... Azzy then leaves us to talk to Zaros. I don't like being left out, so I follow him. Back at Kharid-Et, I find no one. I do however spot some memories that I somehow absorb. Hmm, it seems Trindine has kidnapped Owen, and is trying to persuade him into joining a millenia long undercover operation within the temple knights of Saradomin. But more importantly, THEY LEFT ME OUT! "You should travel to the places you and Trindine visited to find out what she really planed." Ariane has also followed me here. "Ariane, this is 2021, we have ComOrbs, I'll just call them, like any sane person would." A few calls later I have learned that Trindine likes to read about crowns. Maybe if i try to persuade Saradomin to lend me his crown again, I can draw her attention to me. Ariane tells me it's a stupid idea, in fact so stupid that she would love to see how it ends, so she follows me to Falador. We seem to have returned at a bad time, as Saradomin is busy inspecting his knights, so we decide to just wait until this ceremony is finished. As we wait for the incredibly slow Saradomin to finish inspectin every single knight, we hear the blow of a horn, and Azzanadra enters with a bunch of temple knights. I swear this man has the strangest of hobbies. Azzanadra takes the crown from Saradomin, Saradomin takes it back. There is an awkward silence filling the castleground, only broken by my biggest hero Zaros appearing. Zaros takes the crown again, and just leaves, followed by everyone loyal to him. This seems like my queue to also depart. I'm excited to rejoin my friends in Kharid-Et to celebrate our victory. Back at Kahrid-Et Zaros seems to ignore me completely before leaving again. I guess he is just a very busy man, he can't remember eveyone that helped bring him back. Azzy looks at me with a saddened but also annoyed look in his eyes. "The next time we meet, Haxorze, will be as enemies. We have arranged a friendly battle with Seren at your archeaology guild, where we are allowed to attack one barricade at a time. Goodbye." Surely, in this story of betrayal and shadowplay, he does not actually betray me? We're going to fight together until the end! "No, friend. The next time we meet, I will hug you."
  4. After being a good boy and joining in on 3 whole events, I still haven't gotten any drops. Well apart from some swirly thingy some grumpy twins threw at me. Better luck next time i guess
  5. Forgot to screenshot the actual drop, But anyways.
  6. New bosses has been good to me. I love being spoonfed.
  7. Let me tell you the story of how I finally got my hands on the legendary Mining master cape. YES! I always planned to tell you this as a tale from my past, and it's not because I just forgot to update you. Don't judge me! It was a cold and harsh November night in the year 2020. Not unlike this night, as I live in Norway and we only know how to make winter weather and salmon. I was sitting at my usual spot in the corner of The Blue Moon Inn wondering how I would steal the cape from the mining guild. My good pal, who would never view me as an enemy, Azzanadra called me up on my Com orb v2. "Oi, Haxorze, whatcha doing?" "Ah. you know, just planning a heist." "Yo! You should totally come plan it over at my place! My Zaros isn't home." Well, I could not turn down such an offer, so I hurried over to Azzanadra faster than I've ever hurried before. "We would need some help to pull this off." Azzanadra was leaning over the perfect drawing I had made of the mining guild. "We need a distraction and/or diversion. Someone they would not suspect to be doing foul play. Like another dwarf." I stood up. "Say no more my friend forever, I know a guy!" The not so forgettable tale of a drunken dwarf I had no idea where I would find my new recruit for the heist of a lifetime, but I figured out Keldagrim would be good place to start looking. About ten or so steps from Azzanadras place, I spotted something laying on the side of the road. Could it be? "Howdy there pal! Ye know what day it is?" The drunken dwarf looked up at me with an empty gaze. "No, I do not I'm affraid. But however, I do have an offer that you could possible refuse. I have a stack of 129 dwarven stouts in my bank wich can be yours if you help me break into the mining guild to steal some cloth. What do you say, Clark?" I streched out my hand to help him up from the ground. "Me name's not Clark!" He said and shook his head. "But I can't say nay to some fine ale. Count me in" Wow, doing heists are pretty easy! I followed Clarence back to Azzanadra to continue our planning. The muscle "Alright, we got our distraction. But there will still be some guards that won't be drawn away by it. We need someone who can help you sneak past them." Azzanadra pointed at some random locations on my map. "It would have to be someone we know are able to sneak in undetected, but that also are capable of taking out any treats quickly if things go wrong. Preferably from range. We should also think of someone who is not bound by their loyalty to any of the gods present on Gielinor." Azzanadra was right! And I knew who! "This is someone you have encountered before. A former bandosian. Za..." "Graardor!" I interupted. "I'm sorry, what?" Azzanadra looked confused. "If I'm going to be in danger of getting compromised I'm bringing a 5 meter tall piece of pure muscle." "Fine.." I called up Graardor on my Com orb. "Hello mr. General. I need your help to steal a cape. If you help me I promise to not try to kill you for at least 2 weeks." Graardor answered: "GRAAAAR". Nice! He was in! Our way in "Alright. All we need now is a way to get inside without drawing suspicion to ourselves. As you have showed a complete lack of critical thinking, Haxorze, I have decided to recruit our last member. He is a master salesman from the desert, Ali." Azzanadra said. "Wich Ali is it?" I asked. "The one who didn't change his name in February." As he said that a strange man walked in. "My plans simplicity is also it's beauty." He said. "I'm Ali Morrisane. Famous trader, and I'll help you enter the mining guild under the presumption that you are there to sell rare minerals. As Azzanadra and myself start to make our deal, our short friend will make a scene to draw the attention towards himself. At that point, Haxorze and his chosen companion will slip away and steal the treasure while we make up a coverstory for your sudden dissapearance." After Ali was done explaining the plan, I was now the proud owner of four buckets and a knife. "But to make it seem as legit as possible, we would need a rare minaral only you can get your hands on Haxorze. The currupted ore!" Ali looked at me. "Can you get that for us?" The final piece of the puzzle I was back in the elven city, and made my way over to Lady Trahaearn to ask if she had any corrupt ore I could get. "Oh sweetie, I can't just hand you the ore for free". I tried to explain to her that I was the one that reopened the city, saved the elves from some shadow and helped them put Seren back together. "Back in my day that was just a normal tuesday. Now stop bothering me with your silly requests". Fine, so I would just have to mine some ore myself. How hard could that be? I grabbed my pickaxe from the bank and started to swing it at the rocks. Whats this? Fireworks? Out of nowhere a handful of dwarves popped up and congratulated me on achieving the rank of master miner. They even offered to give me a cape for the low price of 120 thousand gold pieces. So there I stood. After having planned the greatest robbery known to man, all it took was some mining to get what I wanted. I feel robbed! I will find an excuse to steal from you one day dwarves!
  8. Hello again! After a long deserved vacation from Gielinor, I was back with a vengance! Without hesitation I made my way over to my enabler, Laniakea. We did our usual deal where she would point me in a general direction and give me an arbitrary number of specific creatures to kill. In return I would get some made up "points" that I could use to say no to some of her silly requests. But this time was different. I was out for blood. No task would be to small, no creatures would feel the mercy of the mighty Haxorze, and his broad array of special weapons and tactics. I blindly followed her every command, laying countless of mostly defenceless beasts to rest. During my genocide I was sent to a grove that someone missplaced. Probably on purpose, because here even a tree is able to kill you. But it was not trees I had my sights on, it was rather some small and annoying rock boys. So anyways, I started blasting my magic. Over a hundered of them met their demise, until one of them dropped something. It was a small creature made of stone, but he looked nothing like the golems I had killed here. Curious, I picked him up from the ground. He was shaking with fear as he laid his eyes upon me. I asked him why he was there, hiding among a different species than what he seemed to be. Reluctantly he explained to me that he had to flee after his entire family of gargoyles were killed by some lunatic. I was shook. Who could do such a... OH.... OH GOD! I carried the creature with me to the desert. On the way there he told me his name was Crabbe, and that he wished to explore the world with a renowned adventurer. I didn't say much for the entire journey. But as we arrived in the sandfilled wasteland, I brought him to the top of some cliffs. "Everything the light touches, can be yours to explore." I said calmly. As he gazed over the wast nothingnes I made a firm grip around my rock hammer. "A promise, is a promise..." I said before I gave it a desicive swing. "I'm sorry, kid". Long story short: Don't make promises with Moridin!
  9. My oh my, where have I been? Well, to be perfectly honest, that is a long and boring story, that will probably take me at least 15 minutes to explain. So let's just agree that I've been here all the time, and I've continued to update with funny and top tier posts for you all. Now from something boring to something even boringer. My epic quest to reclaim my glory, and prove that I am still worthy of wearing my dusty completionist cape. First on my list of extremely interesting tasks was to become a music critic, by listening to ALL the new soundtracks in game. My mission started by traveling in first class to Anachronia, my second home. As I arrived, I asked the locals where I would be able to hear these interesting new songs, and quickly learned that I had to pose undercover as an archeaologist and travel around the digsites on the island. As a man who has spent more hours than I'm willing to admit on Dinoisland without ever seeing a digsite, I tought they were pranking me. This had to be a setup to host a surprise party, as a thank you to the legendary hero Haxorze, saviour of the dinos that one time mr dragonman went all supervillain. I excitingly played along, and made my way to the first "digsite". Arriving there I found out they had actually buildt a whole digsite there. Hmm, surely they are not saving on any expenses to honor me. I asked one of the people there why they would go to such lenghts just for a party. With a confused look in his eyes, he started yelling at me. "You're the reason the volcano exploded!" I argued that it was in fact an elder god that did it, and surely that has to be way over my capability to handle. But then again, I might have angered it by killing of a large amount of the local wildlife, just for it getting in my general area. So I tried my second best excuse, that surely an elder god can't see me as a big enough treath to go to such desperate measures (wink wink). I made sure to not mention that I beat every fight in that quest basically by looking at my enemy for a few seconds. Back to my quest for musical therapy! I entered the digsites, wich proved to be actual digsites, and not a secret party location for me. Strangely the people here view me as some sort of an eco criminal. I tried to make my reputation better, accidentaly swapping the brains of a human and a salamander. Should probably get back to that at some point. But after traveling so many times forth and back around that island, mostly because I am to stubborn to look at a guide, making me forget every single item I needed to carry with me to solve the mysteries, I was not in the mood to play doctor. I'm also convinced that most of those mysteries was just a way to keep me too occupied to cause any more harm. But I heard all the songs I needed to and left the island. Forever. Next on my list was to learn some potion brewing. As a master of herblore, I tought this would be easy, but oh my! Who would have tought you needed to work as an archeaologist, on an island that despises me, to actually find the FRAGMENTS needed to make the recipies. I had only one problem. I was now banned from Anachronia, and therefore this task was impossible for me to complete! But being me, a force of chaos and also rng, I just payed off other adventurers to do the work for me, and then read the recipies they collected. Task done! And now, only one thing stood between me and my cape. I had to become a builder. But not the cool type of builder, that builds law bending constructs of pure imagination. No, I had to become a builder of chairs, tables and torches. The estate agents, who all probably have less experience with construction than me sent me a list of five pieces of furniture i had to repair for about six different people around three different cities. Sounds easy, right? The catch is that I had to do this one hundred times, meaning I had to travel forth and back between the worst houseowners in the world, building five HUNDRED items wich just randomly broke after five minutes. I swear to everything thats holy, no not you Saradomin, that if the shopkeeper, who NEVER enteres his 1st floor, manages to break his adamantium plated stove in less time than i use to walk down the stairs, he probably should not own a stove! But, I am a man that likes capes, so I endured. And after a few hours I was ready to retire as a constructor, putting my cape back onto my back and hoping to never ever see those ungrateful people again. Needless to say, I had to let out some agression after that. I payed a visit to my good friend Araxxi, proving once again, that if you're tired of going dry on drops, just neglect the boss for months, come back, and get what you want!
  10. I was going to tell an epic tale about how I finished the new quest Desperate Measures. But I for some reason can't really twist it into something epic at all. WARNING: This post will contain some spoilers about the story of the new quest and should in no way at all act as a helpful guide on how to complete the quest. If you don't want it spoiled for you, do the darn thing, then come back and feed my ego later! You have been warned!!!!!!!! As my new journey began, I got a strange feeling that Seren wanted a date with yours truely. Dressed in my finest Zarosian gear, I hurried over to the place where you would suspect the crystal god of the pointy-eared-humans to recide, Burthorpe. As I ascended the stairs of her new base, I realized this wasn't a normal date, as i quickly laid eyes on some other participants that for some reason any sane person would argue are bending the laws of reality by fitting inside the small shack she calls a castle. Seren told me that some dragonlooking guy surely had to be hiding on Anachronia, to wich I argued, after my many, many days of exploring the island, could not be true! We compromised and before I knew it I was on my way there to meet up with Gielinor's finest private invastigators: Thok, and his partner Carlos. Entering the basecamp I set up there like a year ago, I talked to the dragon working for Varrock's museum. Yes Varrock has a dragon, but are still scared of zombies attacking! He told me my colleagues had left earlier to search for Kerapac's base. That is dragonspeak for "They are standing right outside the basecamp, and we can basically see them from here". I relentfully made my way over to them only to be met with them arguing about who is more stupid. After Thok had told me totally not canon version of their landing on the island, I was tasked with doing something I for sure haven't done before! I was going to dig around the mud looking for broken stuff to fix. Sadly to fix the random item i found literally TWO STEPS from where they had been standing I had to go all the way back to the digsite. After having traveled more in one day than I wanted to, I was tasked with doing the same thing AGAIN! Here I tought being a guildmaster of the dirtdiggergang would allow me to order some other people to do the work for me, BOY WAS I WRONG! So another trip to the digsite and back had to be done, only for Charos to tell me I needed to ask someone who knows this stuff! Like, why didn't we just do that from the start mister? So tasked with finding the last, but also not last, of his kin, I had to look in the most obvious place that a legendary dragonrider would be. Yes, a retirement home where we house giant dinosaurs for breeding. The dragonrider, Hannibus, told me to meet him at one of the most isolated location the island has to offer. And then he just flew off, without even offering me a ride. So again I had to set out on a long journey just to speak to the same guy I just talked to. He showed me the door to where some sleepy dragonpeople was hibernating for a few years to many. Hannibus helped me to enter the sleeping peoples dream, so that I could learn how to activate some sort of thing, which I did. After what I tought was a job well done, he also told me to watch the dream one more time, so that I could learn some secret password to a hidden door on the other side of the ruins. Sometimes I wonder why he can't just do some of the things himself. I did, and the process was not slow at all... After entering the second hidden door, we had to enter another convenient dream to learn something about something. Things turned wierd, and the dreamers noticed me, before we left the dream. Someone else that had noticed me was Kerapac, and somehow Thok and Charos also decided to show up now, after the work was done. EPIC BOSSFIGHT TIME! NOPE! He has overpowered healing powers, so this step of the quest was just a waste of time. After Kearpac was done flexing on us, he was going to attack my beloved basecamp, which I for sure am very emotionally invested in! Agreeing to what the other people told me they wanted to do, I fended of Kearpac's dinosaur stampede with no issues at all. I went over to Seren to tell her about my discovery, and the crazy lady told me I had to convince Jas, a totally not overpowered deathmachine to help me. So she then just left and tolk me meet her in the desert. Because obviously she could not just teleport me there, it's not like she is a godess or something. I talked to Jas, she gave me her eye, and I went back to dinoland. Charos now told me we needed to activate a thing to enter a door. I was like of course we do, it's not like you've had all the time in the world to do just that while I've been traveling the world for no rason at all! I ran around a volcano and activated things, until Charos told me it was time to enter the super secret base of evil dragonlike operations. Inside the base I was met with a puzzle to activate some pillars by using the secret dragonkin language. Luckily, since I had been traveling so much I had also taken up on studying that same language, and the puzzle did not take long at all to complete, haha.... I entered a barrier and was met face to face with the Black Stone Dragon! EPIC BOSSFIGHT TIME EP. 2 Well. No! The fight was not epic at all, and was more annoyingly slow than challenging. After barely doing anything I had won the fight, and Kerapac showed himself. I did my thing and showed him the eye of Jas, stunning him with my awesomenes! Jas appeared, I think, and used her reverse uno card to win the day. Yay? Long story short: Kerapac is mad, I feel bad, and oh... The place is falling appart! Good thing my two sidekicks Thok and other guy showed up to save me. After exiting, one of Jas' siblings decided to show up with style, and destroyed a volcano. YAY! Quest done!
  11. It’s time for me to continue my quest to snatch myself a dwarven cape with a pickaxe drawn onto it. Hmm… That reminds me: I’ve been putting this off for way to long now. But I have honestly just been really busy with… uhm… Ah, who am I kidding, I’m just really lazy. Those 4 last requirements are getting done now! But, I will of course just read the titles of the achievements, and base my entire strategy from that. So buckle up, this is going to be one wild ride! Purple cat: First on my list of odd things to do for some fabric is to get myself a purple cat, I think. Turns out the Grand Exchange does not sell them, and Gertrude called me a lunatic when asking her for one. Where have I seen one of those oddly colored fluffballs before? Thinking about that takes too much time, so I’ll just paint my neglected hellcat purple. Off to Draynor to visit my good friend, what’s her name. Aggie told me that to make purple dye, she needed some redberries and blue leaves. Of course! Red and blue makes purple, and purple makes my cat funny looking. Turns out that witch didn’t even bother mixing my two dyes together… Luckily I know basic chemistry, and can pour two colors together to make another color! Yay, science! After mixing the liquids together in a shady alley I dragged my cat out from my backpack and poured the liquid onto it. Hmm... No achievement ding sound, and my cat looks more sick than slick. But in the corner of my eye I spot a random purple cat running along the road next to another witch. I quickly run over to her and ask how much she wants for the cat, but she tells me it’s not for sale. But she promise to teach me how if I steal some strange vial from her colleague in Port Sarim. Heading over to Port Sarim, I swiftly sneak into a hidden basement just to get stopped by Lottie, the failed zoologist. She tells me that if I can sort out the mess she has made by placing the animals in random pens, I get the vial for free. I don’t think she knows what free means, but alas, this random scheme has taken to long, so I just do what she says. Rushing back to Draynor, I hand over the vial and DING! Achievement done. Weird, I was sure I had to paint my cat for it to work, but oh well. With a cat that hates me, I’m on to the next one! Ivan is flailing! This one makes no sense at all. I went to visit my old pal Ivan Storm, as he is the only Ivan I know. Now to make him flail! I order him to swing his arms around wildly if he doesn’t want to end up like his vampyre hunting buddy group, and with a confused look, he does so. After several uncomfortable minutes he asks me why I haven’t upgraded the ivandis flail to it’s full power yet. Oh… I vaguely remember that it needs vampyre corpses to be cremated to gain more power, but several hundreds of those will take me at least more time than I bother spending. It’s time to come up with a master plan to speed things up massively! I put on my best vampyre salesman disguise and head over to Darkmyer, a hive of the soon to be corpses. Turns out they are really easy to fool as I tell them I’m a seller of crimson red sunblocking curtains, and that I need to inspect every single building to get the measures of how much they need. I enter the houses and stack as many pyre logs as I can before leaving, lighting a fire as I exit the city. One civilization later and with a few thousand angry spirits haunting me, I pay another visit to Ivan to ask why my flail is still mediocre. He angrily mumbles something about me being a monster, before handing me a fully upgraded flail as protection. Ding..? If only he did that earlier, he would still have a job as border patrol, and I would be well on to my next step of my adventure. Challenge Maria I found Maria crying outside a haunted house that I’ve already cleansed from its paranormal guests. As the name never specified what type of challenge I had to partake in, I challenge her to a game of poker. Well, I’m now broke. Turns out standing around crying for nearly six years gives you quite the pokerface. She tells me that it’s her turn to challenge me and does so by asking me to enter the allegedly haunted house to open some chests I forgot the last time I was there. Well, I'm sorry for not open every single furniture as I was running from ghosts, Maria! Entering an empty house and opening chests should not be to hard, so I gladly accept her challenge. Turns out she is also a witch, as she has somehow trapped me in the past, or perhaps some alternate dimension where the ghosts are back, the doors are locked again, and every item has reset to their earlier positions. One disconnect and several “Oh gods” later, I make it out and get rewarded with a lamp and a ding… Well, at least I’m done traveling to other dimensions for the foreseeable future! A penny for your life HAHA! Jokes on you, my life isn’t even worth a penny! But jokes on me, as the entire economy of this world is made up by gold pieces. Well, except for the Arc, but that’s just some random retirement paradise that I won’t visit ever again. Turning to the only person I could remember that might know where I would find pennies, I travel to Aris in Varrock to have my future read. Aris tells me that she, and only she for some strange reason has a shop that exclusively trades for silver pennies! I make sure to ask her where one would find such rarities, and she brags that they are exclusively from her. That doesn’t seem like the most normal way to run your shop, but what do I know about business. Turns out I can get pennies from her by doing some work for her. But by work, she means that I have to travel to an alternate dimension for the second time in a day, and replay my least liked quest ever. Dimension of disaster. After hating my life for at least one whole hour (mostly due to Ulrist, or whatever and his shop with 1 diamond at a time, which he restocks whenever he bothers), I have now done the same thing four more times, and the old lady rewards me with a whopping 20 pennies that I can now use in her shop, and only there. With that much work, I guess she must be selling some neat stuff. But turns out she almost only sell rejected Halloween costumes and convenient skips that are only convenient while replaying the same quest even more times, haha, NO! But I finally hear the last ding I need to hear, and I can now purchase a new cape. Passion for fashion With my list now complete I head over to the Varrock museum to buy a cape. There I meet an old man wearing the same cape as I am buying. Something tells me he just made the cape and came up with this elaborate list of random stuff to do, just so that he could be unique without even doing anything himself, and also make a pretty good amount of money on the side from idiot adventurers that actually do his list. But after making my cat hate me, burning down a city, visiting a haunted house and the same dimension several times in one day, I can’t be bothered to argue with him. I gladly pay him some gold just to go to bed feeling like I did something productive. But just you wait mr. curator. I will come back for you! And thus ends my quest for fabric. Or at least this particular color of fabric, as I have not forgotten my short friends lovely cape just yet…
  12. As I decend further into madness, I also find new ways to entertain myself. With some good encouragement from a few friends and strangers, as well as a promise of at least 1 drop (brews and restores) from Nex, I set out to do the impossible. I was going to kill Nex, all by myself! Approximately zero death later, I got a few kills, and a whole 2 B/R drops, pluss some random pants that used to belong to some socalled legendary zarosian Green Arrow. Patric, I think his name was... I do so dearly wish i could post a bragging picture of my fully completed Nex log, but I seem to be missing a great number of the drops there. Going forward I hope to take my relationship with Nex further, and maybe we could even adopt a little mini-nihil. But that is something for the future I guess. But fear not my lovely friends and others, I would never leave a post of mine lacking of a picture from my interesting experience in the scary world of Runescape. So I spent at least 10 minutes on paint again, and made you a lovely little story. It's not as good as I wish, but I honestly don't want to paint anymore today. Love you all at least 1! Maybe it will be 3000 some day
  13. I have passed 93 Million experience in Mining, and my arms are getting a bit tired from swinging my pickaxe for hours upon hours every day. Unfortunately the dwarves refuse to give me a new cape yet, but i did try to steal one from them. Turns out they guard their fabric like it's worth a fortune, and 110 thieving is not high enough to take it. I will outsmart you one day, my short friends, one day. Or I could just keep on mining i guess, but that would make for a much less exciting story to tell. Me being Haxorze, also known as "Not clevorze", have made a new promise. And probably will keep on doing until it pays off. My next victim of the destroy function will be Crabbe, the Harry Potter refrence pet, if I do recieve him before 150m slayer xp (Thanks Mori). Stay tuned for nothing to happen out from this promise, as my luck is nowhere to be seen. Here is an action shot of me trying to get a brand new mining cape:
  14. First I want to start by giving some insight to my last update here. I was really banking on getting Ace before hitting 120 hunter. I had a whole bit planned out for the most emotional log post you would have ever seen, where I even planned on making a beautiful piece of art on video form. But alas, I was not that lucky. And when thinking about it, that might be for the best, as I have absolutely no experience in videomaking. But since I did not get the pet, I just had to plan out and write up something in like 10 minutes, and therefor you got my over the top journal entry from my long time spent on Anachronia. It's not as funny as I had hoped for, but I do hope it kept up with your high expectiasion. (Or is that just in my head?) Since last time I've achieved 120 arch. It's over a week ago, but it's not me if I'm not late to update. I need to stay in character i guess. Right now I don't even know what to do going forward. So I have just been mining, a lot. Probably will keep slamming my pickaxe into the same rock until the dwarves agree to give me a new cape before I move on to something more fun. (HAHA, master quest cape when? (Soon™)). Not much more to say really, so I'll just share a picture. As they say on IG: "Felt cute, might delete later" Yes thats the arch cape
  15. Anachronia day 468 I've traversed the dense and unforgiving jungles of this cursed island more times than i can remember. The larger inhabitants of the jungle I've noticed to be mainly calm. If I am keeping my distance, of course. I started observing them from afar, making note of their different behaviours and territories. These giants seem rarer in number than the brutish dinosaurs who prefer to herd in the dryer regions on the northern parts of the island. And also tougher to take down. I quickly learned of the durable abilities of the local flora, and how good they are for makng spears and ballistas. But a simple wooden spear isn't enough to take one of these magnificent creatures down, no matter how strong the wood is. Luckily, the frogs scattered around has a highly concentrated poison coating, a cooting that can quickly take down even the largest of beasts. After several days of preparations, I was ready to start my hunt. And what a glorious hunt i was. I must have taken down hundreds of dinosaurs. I guess you could say that I've become some sort of a master hunter in the time I've spent on the island. Now, I set sail for the mainland once more, as I hear rumours about lost civilizations from the mysterious third age being found. I'm curious to see what treasures might have been lost in time. -Haxorze
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