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Now that this world finally is free from the influence of the gods, I can take some time to relax and do the things I want to do. Hmm. All these choices make it very difficult to decide on what to do. If only someone, preferably an all-powerful divine being, could appear out of nowhere and tell me. Oh, my ComOrb is ringing. “Hello Haxorze, it’s me Adrasteia, leader of the saradomininsts. I need your help to investigate and possibly stop the zamorakians from trying to take over the world. Come meet me in Falador.” “¡No soy Haxorze! Soy Fuente de Hackeo. No hablo ingles.” “That literally translates to ‘hack source’... I read the entire dictionary of every language.” “Fine, I’ll be there soon.” In Falador, Adrasteia is talking to a character who is totally not in disguise, named Anne Dimitri. They tell me I have to go into the very welcoming region of THE WILDERNESS to investigate the zamorakians plans. Yes, send me into the wild and lawless north, where everyone can attack me for my precious items. They assure me that with the passing of the immigration law, they also managed to pass a law that made killing each other in THE WILDERNESS illegal, unless both parties are in agreement. Alright then, I’ll go, but I’m taking Anne with me as a distraction. Anne is quick to discover some invisible tracks as soon as we get to our destination. It leads to an abandoned Warbands camp. “It’s weird how the camp has just been abandoned, let's look around” Anne tells me, and then just stands there, doing nothing. I try to argue that it’s probably because the Warbands DnD is not active at the moment. After having run around touching everything I see, Anne just tells me a story about how Moia, my new nemesis, was there and fought like a bunch of humans and demons and such. Continuing on with our investigation we end up at another random location in THE WILDERNESS, where Anne tells me to look around for clues as she does nothing of value. After some time she tells me another story about Moia and Bilrach talking about some demons having attacked their forces in a chaotic temple, and that Moia got angry and killed them all. I’m starting to think Anne is either making all this up, or she was actually there, making our whole investigation pointless. We move on to the next location, that is in a crater. The first thing we notice is a massive rift that Anne is certain is made by Moia. However she is using a two-factor authenticator, and possibly a VPN, so we can't open it. Anne decides this is the time to tell me another story, and makes up something about Moia absorbing the soul of one of the twin furies. After the story, Anne just opens the portal, before telling me she is Trindine in disguise. Yeah, nice try Anne, but Trindine is actually not a human, but a mahjarrat. Therefore I do not believe you. We enter the portal, meet Moia, MY NEMESIS, before Moia leaves cackling about taking over the world. Anne thinks we have done enough investigation, so we just go back to Falador to report our findings. Adrasteia tells me she does not have another quest released yet, so I will have to wait for a little bit. It seems like the plot is thickening, and maybe next time we will get the answers to the questions that are on everyone's minds. What do the zamorakians want? Why do they seem to be fighting among themselves? Why is Haxorze’s journal skipping over a lot of important details? (IT’S NOT! SHUT UP) If you fill a glass of water full, and drink half, is it half full or half empty, and what is the difference? Was the dress white and gold or black and blue? Find out next time!

So, let’s do some meta things here. I’m now speaking out of character just for a little update. Most of the content I’m reciting is, as you know, quite old, and I have done it a long time ago. But I took a long break from the game and such to work on myself. Don’t get too stressed now, I am doing fine, haha. But that is also the reason that my updates are slow, despite me having everything done. And it’s also an excuse for me if you feel like my quality as of late has been less than usual. Just take care of yourselves, you are all lovely people, and that’s what’s important! Ok, enough bullshit, let’s get Haxorze back on track with his adventures! The Guardians of Guthix has helped me to figure out how to pass a very specific immigration law that only affects gods. I don’t know why I chose to trust them, as they are clearly not very good at the one job they had. But at this point I am just so very tired and pretty much willing to try any idea they throw at me. “You have to go to the undercity that Zamorak and his followers had the time to set up while we played Wordle.” Well that’s easy for you to say mr. Death, as it will be me going in alone, and you can sit in your silly office and pretend to do work. And why is Zamorak’s base in Australia anyway? One very long flight to Australia later, I learned that the undercity is in Senntisten. Thanks for letting me know sooner. I hope my detour hasn’t given him time to do what he planned to do. Eventually I return to Senntisten and find the very secret hideout Zamorak has taken. It’s just like the normal Senntisten, just even further underground. Well this should not take too long I guess. I totally don’t get lost in the undercity for several hours, as I somehow manage to walk into every hidden sidepath and deadend in the ENTIRE place. The first location of notice is a jailhouse where I meet Muffin, the jailer. He gives me a very nice tour of his mostly empty jail as he teleports around to every floor as we have a friendly fight. I might have taken the fight too far, and now he is dead. I mean, he fell in an accident and landed on top of 92 bolts that were on the floor. Oops. Anyways, I keep heading deeper into the city, until I come across some wizards doing their yoga routine. I save them all from potentially getting injured by making them cease to exist, and their yoga master Etarna get’s upset as she is paid by the hour. In a totally reasonable and not exaggerated response she calls in her bodyguards, who happen to be demons, and also she throws a lot of bombs on the floor. Luckily I have mastered the art of not exploding, and I talk my way out of it by threatening to go to court with Ali the trader as my lawyer. I do wonder what this big glowing ball of energy does though, so I decide to touch it. Suddenly I get teleported to the inside of the wilderness crater. You mean I could have skipped the entire trek through the city, and just went straight to the wilderness? Zamorak is also here, but he is simply just ignoring me. To get his attention, I put his 6 backup dancers to sleep before I challenge him to a game of EXTREME WORDLE ™. The game is long, mostly because Zamorak is trying to cheat by teleporting me to Infernus to have a dance off with a demon. After about 15 minutes I figured out the word is “behave”, and just as I wrote the last letter, our immigration law passed and Zamorak got deported. I better go tell the other gods as soon as I can. I first visited Saradomin in Falador. He quickly appoints his daughter as the new leader of the saradominists, and then leaves. Clearly there was not a single other being in your ranks that would have been more suited to lead an army than your librarian daugther. I better go check on my best friend Azzanadra. He is currently having a meeting with Nex, Trindine and Wahisietel. I think my invite got lost in the mail somewhere. Nex leaves for Freneskae, and the other two just do whatever they want. Then Azzanadra leaves. I might as well also check in on Armadyl while I’m at it. Armadyl tells me regrets not having spent the last moments at some old farm in the wilderness, and then leaves to recruit an army of elves and avianses for some reason. This has been quite a day, and I look forward to going back to living my normal life without the gods constantly asking me to do their chores. Join me next time to see where Gielinor’s story finally goes, free from all the struggles and wars the gods and their factions have caused.

Continuing from last time's endeavors, as I returned to the other in the cathedral to share the news of me saving everyone, again. Instead of getting praises from the remaining gods, I get questioned about why I have left Seren, a seemingly deranged goddess of imminent strength alone with three young eldergods, of even more strength, alone on an unknown planet without any supervision. I remind them that Seren is a grown woman, and should be capable of taking care of herself. Upset with my critical thinking, in a moment where I should probably have died or worse, Armadyl just leaves to sit atop his tower and feel bad for himself. Saradomin is also not happy with the recent events, and takes his daughter with him back to Falador to do nothing. After finally being able to go wherever I feel like, I decide to take a stroll around Senntisten. When I walk out the door to return to the surface I am stopped by a white knight that tells me they have been ambushed by some demons sent by Zamorak. I reluctantly agree to help him, and go back into the city, only to find it different than it was literally five seconds ago. I find some blood, and follow it around for the strangest treasure trail I’ve ever done. Hopefully this is a rewarding one. At the end of the trail of blood I meet a dragonkin having a date with my favorite clown, Gregory. “How lovely it is to be with you again Erasinus.” the dragonkin remarks joyfully. I tell her that my name is Haxorze, and the spasming man next to her is named Gregor, the dancer of Sliske. She comes to the conclusion that Greg must be suffering from a mental disorder. Curious to see where this goes I agree to meet them in the Senntisten asylum, a place I have totally never been in before, I promise! When we get there some creatures from the Abyss capture us and bring them to their three leaders. I don't remember their names, so I’ll call them Sam, Ben and Zolglidor to make it easier. They tell me something about why they are there, and what they are, but I am too confused to pay attention to what they say. They send me on a random mission to find a cure for Grob, and I walk around the asylum and pick up and mix random items together in hope that it works. I give them the potion I have made, and they all turn into their true forms. This has been quite a weird day, and it gets weirder when the dragonkin-lady tells me something about Dagon, the archeological demon. I head back to Faldor to ask Saradomin if he can do this one for me, but he just waved me off and demands that I go check out what’s going on in Zamorak’s dig site. When I get there, I steal some clothes, as mine are pretty dirty from all the hard work I’ve had to do, and I dress up as a zamorakian cultist. After about four minutes I just decided to make up a story and return to Saradomin to hopefully have him leave me alone for a while. As I return to Saradomin’s throne room, I realize I’m not the only one there, as Saradomin is having a discussion with Garlandia. I remember her, she is the atheist woman that still denies gods exist even if she is interacting with them. Before they can say anything interesting, Bilrach comes and demands Saradomin to surrender to Zamorak’s very serious invasion. Saradomin doesn’t manage to come up with a good excuse not to surrender, so he tells me to banish ALL gods from Gielinor. A bit intense, but if it saves me from having to do silly little chores for divine, magical and overpowered people, then I’m all for it. Having no idea how to banish the gods, I decided to go hang out in the garden Seren built that one time, for some reason. There I met with the story-loving snake; Juna, Harold J. Death, and their friends. In a stroke of pure luck and not because someone told me to go here, I learned that these ragtag bunch of individuals are able to help me banish the gods. Why we haven't done this a long time ago is beyond me, but whatever. I will however lose my title as World Guardian, a small price to pay for being left alone if you ask me. We decide to spend some more time together, and we take a daytrip to the lost grove to play some Wordle in Solak’s house, because he is on vacation. After having beaten everyone in the game, I decide to tell Saradomin that I agree with his plan to banish every god, and he sets up a meeting with Armadyl, Azzanadra and Icthlarin in our very secret skyfort. Armadyl agrees to the plan, Saradomin and Azzanadra also agree after a little while, but Icthlarin doesn’t care, because he is just a demigod and won't be affected. I don’t even know why he is here at all. As I make my way home, the voices in my head start to sing me a goodbye song, believing they are also gods that will be banished by my very well planned plan. How cute of them to believe they will ever leave me. Next time marks the very awesome confrontation with Zamorak, the aftermath of our plan, and maybe some other funny and very exciting stuff that HOPEFULLY does not include any gods at all.